Combat Global Warming: Be Gay for a Day

John Ransom
Posted: Apr 02, 2013 12:01 AM

A long last, scientists have revealed the single most important document ever.  It’s a crayon-colored map showing how “trees” could grow in the arctic.

If finally, mercifully, any one of the so-called “climate models” that so far have failed to “model” climate accurately, suddenly and then accurately begin to “model” climate in real time, then, well, WOW!

“Experts say the wooded areas in the region could increase by 50% over the coming decades,” writes the UK’s Daily Mail, “and accelerate global warming in the process. Researchers have unveiled the most accurate map ever (!) of how vegetation could change in the region.”

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THE MOST ACCURATE MAP EVER* is detailed in the latest issue of Nature Climate Change, a trade rag that panders to the climate racket.

Oh and you just wait until the United Nations gets a hold of this.

Maybe next year The Nature Group can start Nature Arctic Real Estate.  With the housing bubble reflating thanks to more government money-that-never-has-to-be-paid, think of the fortunes government scientists, economists and well-connected social policy guys like ALGORE, Inc. can make selling icehouses to us Eskimos, er Inuits.   

“It shows the potential for massive redistribution of vegetation across the Arctic,” continues the Mail, “with about half of all vegetation switching to a different class and a massive increase in tree cover. Experts say in Siberia, for instance, trees could grow hundreds of miles north of the present tree line.”

See? If redistribution of ANYTHING is involved, you know ALGORE, Inc. will find a way to cash in.

The new MOST ACCURATE MAP EVER (!) is one of those wonderful occurrences that demonstrates that the most frightening words in the English language have gone from “I’m from the government and I’m here to help” to “I’m a government-funded scientist, and I’m here to lecture.”   

In the meantime, ThinkProgress has published a remarkable paper called Arctic Sea Ice Death Spiral And Cold Weather that proves, or at least, says - same thing if you are a liberal - that global warming is to blame for …cold weather in Germany.

Stumped by the fact that temperatures are not accurately reflecting current climate “models”- in fact temperatures have remained stable for 15 years- scientists on the government gravy train are trying to tie any weather event to so-called climate change. 

Hurricanes? Global warming. Tornadoes? Global warming? Drought? Global warming? Blizzards, dropping temperatures, meteorites, Big Gulps? Global warming.

Even homosexuality has been tied to global warming via population control.

“With the natural world on the brink of demise largely because of overpopulation,” G. Roger Denson, a self-appointed social theoretician wrote on the Huffington Post,   “unrestrained homosexuality, as one of a variety of ethical and democratic measures available to us today, offers perhaps the most natural option to be enjoined.”   

G. Roger pictured with cat

Carbon credits for being gay? Anyone? We could funds it with a tax on NOT being gay.

If only everyone would be gay for a few days per year, or a few years per lifetime, it seems G. Roger is saying, we could be more ethical, unrestrained, under-populated, democratic and - most importantly - a lot colder.  Or warmer if you live in one of those places that is unfortunate enough to be colder as a result of global “warming.”

But I do agree with the Democrat part if you capitalize the “d”. 

As to the rest, please read fine print* carefully.  

*Claims to accuracy, changes in maps, vegetation, flooding, gender attraction and increases or decreases in flora or fauna in any scenario are made for entertainment purposes only and are not to be relied on in any true and scientific sense, except as it applies to government funding.  Please see the terms and conditions of all climate models before planting small shrubs, grasses, cereals or kisses on same sex, heterosexual friends.