John Ransom
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Blizzard Nemo is bearing down on the Northeast- hence the term nor’easter to describe it- so prepare for the folks at Fashion Week, now being held in New York City, to be out in force battling the storm.

“The organizers of New York's Fashion Week,” reports the CSMonitor,  “a closely watched series of fashion shows held under a big tent – said they will have extra crews to help with snow removal and will turn up the heat and add an extra layer to the venue.”

We can only hope that they wear furs.

Because we’ll need blizzards of hilarity to withstand the up-and-coming storm, which will be the worst storm ever since, well, the last “WORST-STORM-EVER!”

However, we won’t have to brace against the snow per se; there have been plenty of monster winter storms in the Northeast that have been shrugged off, shoveled out from and tobogganed on.

Even in the midst of an outbreak of global warming, snow still, after all, eventually melts. Even in New England.

“Yes,” said Mark Twain, a resident of Connecticut, “one of the brightest gems in the New England weather is the dazzling uncertainty ofit.”

Pictured: Pseudo-scientific, trash journalistic, moralizing, hypocrisizing and hyperventilating rain of ink

So, the biggest storm we’ll face won’t be Nemo, in other words; it will be the blizzard of pseudo-scientific, trash journalistic, moralizing, hypocrisizing and hyperventilating rain of ink that will tie the storm to the effects of global warming.

Kind of like the pseudo-scientific, trash journalistic, moralizing, hypocrisizing and hyperventilating rain of ink listed above- with one noted exception.

Al Gore can’t fart sideways today without the gas being caused by global warming.

By definition, global warming can now be defined by anything that disturbs the comfort and security of anyone who lives on the Eastern seaboard.

Or anything that can get the mug of anyone who lives on the Western seaboard into the news as anything other than a money-grubbing whore to stardom.

Before the last flake has fallen, as New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg once again mismanages civil discomfort into civil emergency, and Governor Chris Christie demands more federal mullah for Jersey while walking hand-in-hand with Obama, an army of bloggers, grant-seeking scientists, self-appointed experts and climate hobbyists will tell us NEMO=GLOBAL WARMING.

Making cameos in this modern-day, passion play will be the usual suspects: the Greenland ice shelf, artic sea-ice, the gulf stream, polar bears drinking Coca Cola, penguins marching one minute and dancing the next, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria. 

It will have all the hallmarks of a Disney classic, animated by Pixar, including the shooting of Bambi’s mom with an assault rifle by a crazed Tea Party activist. The shooter will later be correctly identified as either: 1) mentally-ill with no connection to the Tea Party- and that correction will be buried on the last page of the New York Times; or 2) as a leftist who mistook Bambi’s mom as a right-wing hate group because she was wearing deer fur.                       

In a world in which it takes 9-12 years for scientists to develop small molecule drugs for commercial use, it’s a relief to know that it only takes 9-12 minutes to tie the LARGEST STORM IN HISTORY into something as complex as our global climate.

Or two days to read, analyze and pass the most complex healthcare bill ever.

Or to ruin the 250 year Republic in just 9-12 years in slavish devotion to bad science, bad economics and a broken and brokered political system.

But never mind that: Hurrah! for Fashion Week, Nemo and Mayor Big Gulp.

And bring on the furs.

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John Ransom

John Ransom is the Finance Editor for Townhall Finance.