Bob Goldman

Really! I don't know why they didn't ask you. When wanted to know the eight things really successful people do, they should have come to you. Instead, the wackadoos at went to Kevin Daum.

Now, Kevin Daum is no slouch when it comes to being really successful, and if you were looking for a guru type to write an article titled "8 Things Really Successful People Do," it would be logical to turn to the man who wrote "Ten Things Really Amazing Employees Do," and "10 Things Really Amazing Bosses Do." (As far as I'm concerned, Kevin Daum has a monopoly on the "Really Amazing Things" thing.)  Still, when it comes to really, really successful people, I put you at the top of the list. Anyone who does as little work as you, and complains as much as you, and still manages to receive a regular paycheck, is clearly, really, really amazing. 

While Kevin's things are not as good as your things, a brief run down could help my less successful readers focus their "efforts on rising above the tide" before they're swept out to sea and drown.  Just hold your nose and jump in.

Thing No. 1 is "Make Materialism Irrelevant." Daum warns against a "foolish focus on the byproducts of success," such as "fancy cars and houses." This will be easy to do for most working people, since our bosses have managed to keep wages so low that the only byproduct of success we can possibly concern ourselves with is "eating."

Simply by reading this column, you can tick the box for Thing No. 2, "Enhance Knowledge." Daum is exactly right when he suggests you "connect with people who have the knowledge you need," and I'm pretty positive you can base your entire career solely on my wisdom. Just because it hasn't worked for me doesn't mean it won't work for you.

"Manage Relationship Expectations" is Thing No. 3. The plan here is to "make choices about the people who matter," and "make sure they understand your limitations so they don't take it personally when you can't be present." You can start by managing relationship expectations at home. Explain to your significant other that you have a major limitation in engaging in any conversation eight hours before, during and after any episode of "Game of Thrones." You would think they would get the hint when you don't turn on the television until you put on a suit of armor and insist on being called "Kahl Drogo of the House of Targaryn," but some people need more management than others.

Bob Goldman

Bob Goldman is a business humor writer.

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