Bob Goldman

Now, let's face facts. For a slacker like you to get a promotion, you would have to give a fairly spectacular gift. Since I've already purchased the Hope Diamond to give to my boss, I doubt you're going to find anything suitable. Still, it does make sense to have your management gift exchange outside the office, and the surprise factor could make up for an uninspired gift. Just imagine the joy in your boss's little weasel eyes when you pop out of his gym locker with a suitcase full of money!

"Forcing a celebration" is Office Don't No. 4. The reasoning here is that "co-workers may not participate in holiday-season rituals and don't want merriment forced upon them."

This makes sense. If the reticent co-workers have been with the company for many years, they may have forgotten exactly what merriment is. On the other hand, it's perfectly fine to demand participation in your office's holiday rituals if the co-worker in question has invited you to one of their rituals. If you can dance naked around a boiling pot of frogs and spiders at the weekly meeting of their coven, they can sing a few darn Christmas carols.

Columnist Mantell's final injunction involves "power shopping online." "Skimming your favorite shopping websites during lunch may be a safe move," she suggests. "But avoid getting sucked in."

This is good advice since, as we learn from Robert Half Technology, "many companies allow access to online shopping sites, but many monitor for excessive use." Naturally, your company's definition of "excessive use" will closely relate to the identity of the recipient.

If you spend a week searching for the perfect gift for your boss, the IT geeks who monitor your web usage will give you a pass. But just in case they are still whacked out from too many limp carrots at the office party, don't feel you have to risk your job searching for the perfect gift for me.

A suitcase full of cash will be just fine.

Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company, but he finally wised up and opened Bob Goldman Financial Planning in Sausalito, California. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at To find out more about Bob Goldman, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate web page at


Bob Goldman

Bob Goldman is a business humor writer.

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