[Editor's note: This article originally appeared in Late December of 2014... But let's face it: This professor merits second mention.]
Did you know that the Second Amendment is a “stupid” amendment? Did you know that the individual right to keep and bear arms does not exist outside of the US Constitution, but was granted by an incredibly biased court decision in 2008? Well… Neither did I. But I guess we learn something new every day. And today we can thank Tom Hastings, writing in the Wisconsin Gazette, for enlightening us on the idiocy of those gun-happy morons who crafted our founding document and the first ten amendments to the US Constitution.
The “PeaceVoice Director” and teacher of Conflict Resolution at Portland State University (I assume he also has a minor in underwater basket weaving) crafted a thinly veiled temper-tantrum against the Second Amendment. In his op-ed, Tom manages to make Piers Morgan and Michael Bloomberg look like the poster-boys for rational discussion. (By comparison, of course.) With an ideological blindness generally reserved for Bolshevik Party members, Tom did his best to tear apart the American concept of individuality and self-defense.
I encourage you to trudge your way through the full amalgamation of falsehoods, half-truths, and liberal pontification; but I should warn you to put all loaded guns safely away unless you are at a certified shooting range and you don’t mind putting a few .45 caliber holes in your computer screen. Here are some excerpts for those of you with a high tolerance for pain:
The fate of the Second Amendment should have been sealed when the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in 2008 that past rulings by their predecessors were wrong, that in fact, the amendment that provided for a “well regulated militia” really guaranteed every individual the right to own a gun. Wow. That is an interesting reading of the English language.
Whoa, whoa, whoa… What version of the “English language” are you referencing, Tom? Last time I checked, the term “the right of the people” doesn’t mean the same thing as “the right of government agents in charge of protecting the people”… I mean, am I missing something? Penn and Teller put it quite nicely (Warning: strong language):
But, of course he continued in his ramblings against the “teeth of the Constitution”:
What the Supremes have done is to not only warp the meaning and make it into twisted law, but to further prohibit states and local governments from declaring their places free of legal guns. (Emphasis added)
And Tommy had the audacious, self-righteous, pomposity to poke fun at the grammatical comprehension of our Supreme Court Justices? How exactly does a government go about declaring their jurisdiction free of legal guns? I mean, if they’re legal, then government has no authority to ban them. Right? And if they’re banned, they’re no longer legal. (There’s probably a lesson on this type of grammatical phenomenon somewhere in the second grade.)
Of course, he also managed to describe the Supreme Court as “conservative”, which (I guess) totally explains why Obamacare was upheld. (By the way, are you ready for the IRS to
tax fine penalize tax you $325 per person for inadequate health insurance? Because that will officially begin in 2015.)
This pandemic of sick violence, punctuated by mass killings of children, has gone on far, far too long. It is long past time to repeal the stupid Second Amendment.
Um, just in case you haven’t noticed, the Second Amendment wasn’t really a contributing factor in any school shooting… After all, public schools are a Second Amendment prohibition zone. Heck, an America without the Second Amendment would essentially be on giant Sandy Hook campus. Aside from wannabe mass-murderers and hoplophobic self-created victims, few people really want that kind of defenselessness thrust upon the general population.
We are exhausted by the proliferation of death, of threats, of bloodshed, and by the NRA/gun industry moral garbage spewing forth every time someone challenges the ubiquity of guns.
Right… Because legislating a woman out of the right to defend herself against a rapist is so deserving of the moral high ground, right?
He manages to close with a plea for anti-gun citizens to rally to the cause:
Petition for it, get it on the ballot, and get it done by enough of the US populace, by enough people in enough states, to get it consigned to the dustbin of history.
Yeah, but that’s kinda the problem… Isn’t it? I mean, Colorado recalled a couple of state legislators, Connecticut gun owners largely ignored new registration requirements, and California’s “high capacity magazine ban” is a joke among serious gun collectors. Remember when Charlton Heston said “from my cold dead hands”? Well, he wasn’t exaggerating by much... And he wasn't exactly talking to an empty room.
What Tom fails to understand is that the Second Amendment grants the American people absolutely nothing; it merely enumerates that government shall be prohibited from infringing upon the natural rights of free men.
The only “stupid” thing about the Amendment is that its architects actually thought people like Tom Hastings would be capable of comprehending its value. (On the bright side: At least he understands it can’t simply be ignored… I guess this is a big step for a progressive.)