Shawn Mitchell

If only the president were as eager to protect the border as he was to blockade Americans from their national parks and historic monuments during the budget standoff.

Colorado’s Senator Mark Udall: "I will vote with Obama on every damn issue."
"But if he shows up in town, I won't be there. That dude is radioactive!"
"Stupid Coloradans, please stupidly cast your stupid vote for me."

Note for those impaired by literalism: the quote marks are facetious but descriptively accurate.

I think I've heard of LeBron...sounds vaguely familiar. But I have no idea what "Cleveland" is.

Poignant and oddly funny moment at the graveside service for the father of my dear friend, Greg Golyansky. It was a Jewish/Russian service; a grandson’s sweet, brief eulogy was the only English in the ceremony. The Rabbi was straight out of Fiddler on the Roof and incanted monotone Greek…er, Russian.

The turnout wasn’t small, but there seemed a lack of strong or young-enough men to assemble six pall bearers. I asked Greg if that was covered, and he asked me to stay close to the hearse in case. At the last moment, a few more men drew close. I told Greg I would withdraw, especially since, judging by the kippa or yarmulke on every head, they were members of the Tribe.
As the procession moved from the road toward the grave, Greg leaned over and whispered: “Actually, half these guys are Muslim.”
“Really?” I asked, “like Bosnian Muslim?”
“No, Russian Muslim. Like from Uzbekistan.”

The thought of Russian Muslim immigrants wearing yarmulkes carrying their Russian Jewish immigrant neighbor to his rest in a casket adorned with a Star of David filled my heart with a smile.

“That makes me want to laugh,” I said.
“Me too,” Greg answered.
Then he bowed his head and kept walking.

I'm going to punch you. At will. My blows might be poorly aimed or weakly delivered. I'll usually miss your face or throat or gut. The damage I do you will be limited by my punching prowess.

And you--I expect you to be stoic and respond "proportionally." You are not justified in delivering sharp blows to my vital parts. You are not justified in responding with deadly weapons. You are not justified in doing whatever is required to cause me to stop punching you. Your response must satisfy the community standard of "proportionality."

The critics of Israel are moral or logical pygmies or both.


Shawn Mitchell

Shawn Mitchell was elected to Senate District 23 in the Colorado General Assembly in November of 2004. Shawn is an attorney at private practice in Denver and Adams County.