Hallelujah!! Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, halle-eelujaaah!!
For the government omnipotent reigneth!
The kingdom of this world;
is become the kingdom of our Enlightened Leaders
And they shall reign forever and ee-eever
And the angel said unto the shepherds: “Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day a great Leader, who shall establish social justice and virtuous living in the land, including 'free' healthcare, rationed energy and a limited supply of small-caliber ammunition with reduced capacity magazines.”
And the wise Leader taught many things. They asked him whether it was just to pay taxes and he said: “It’s Caesar’s image on the coin. Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's; and unto God the things that are God's”
And lo, they understood not, so he explained: “You shall rely on Caesar to enforce obedience to God.”
“But,” they said, “we thought you said we owe some things to God and different things to Caesar.”
“Oh, fools!” he said. “Ye must petition Caesar to establish the kingdom here on earth! Ye are commanded to love one another and share one with another. Therefore, ye must ask Caesar to force all people to share of their substance. Only by invoking the command of the Roman legion can ye faithfully love and serve the poor!
“And thus shall ye show obedience to God by enlisting Caesar’s sword and tax collectors.”
And they scratched their heads, wondering: “This is a hard saying.”
“But this is not all. I also urge you to live righteous, moral lives. Therefore, ye must petition Caesar to require all people to live righteous, moral lives.”
Then, some of the traditionalists and social conservatives were glad in their hearts, and brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and set her in the midst, saying: “Leader, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?”
And he answered: “How do ye mistake? Stoning is kind of harsh. Maybe Caesar could be a little gentler? Yea, we shall tax the kingdom to buy her free contraception and personal services with no co-pays!”