The great thing about writing a column is that you never know what subjects will blow your way as the day unwinds.
Unless you receive your internet via the mail or something, the news has no doubt hit your browser that Scottish researchers at St. Andrews University are postulating that dino gas was responsible for the end of the terrible lizards.
Growing up we were always taught that an asteroid strike was the culprit but according to the scientists in Scotland, the Age of the Dinosaurs ended not with a bang, but a whistle. Too much Jurassic Pork and Beans, I suppose.
According to the researchers the herbivorous dinosaurs, especially the sauropods (that would be the big brontosaurus-shaped ones to laypeople such as ourselves) emitted so much gas that they produced a greenhouse effect thus ushering in the dino-demise.
This does augur well with previous conclusions that cow emissions are hastening the end of the world in this day and age. However, blaming cows for the gathering clouds, as it were does present some problems.
For one, what do we do with the cows that are creating the catastrophe? On one hand, eliminating gaseous cows would bring to an end the bovine pollution issue. However, animal rights enthusiasts would be mortified (Sorry can’t bring myself to say “udderly mootified“) at the notion of mass cow killings.
Besides they do provide milk, and the Scottish findings on dinosaur flatulence seems to recommend a non-vegan diet.
No, better to lay the blame at the feet, or other part of the anatomy, of the dear dead dinosaurs. They aren’t here to defend themselves and worse yet, how does one disprove the theory that dino-caused greenhouse gasses did not bring about their end?? (No pun intended.)
As you may have guessed however, the point to this breakthrough in paleontoloical poofing is not that it is relevant to the past, but to the future. What this study by UK climate alarmists presents to us is that a collection of gas produced by large, cumbersome beasts ultimately brought about their death.
A dire warning to us that we share the same fate, but this time, the large, cumbersome dinosaurs spewing gas into the air are the oil, coal, and natural gas industries and of course, Western Civilization as a whole, which must be reigned in before it suffers the same fate as the diplodocus.
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