Obama Prepares Touchdown Dance Just in Case He Scores on Coal

John Ransom
Posted: Jun 03, 2014 12:01 AM
Obama Prepares Touchdown Dance Just in Case He Scores on Coal

Obama finally did something with his phone and his pen besides take a selfie and sign an autograph.

He has instructed the carbon police to cut carbon emissions in United States by 30%. That means the death of coal-fired electricity.

“The EPA will launch the most dramatic anti-pollution regulation in a generation early next month,” says Politico, “a sweeping crackdown on carbon that offers President Barack Obama his last real shot at a legacy on climate change — while causing significant political peril for red-state Democrats.”

That means utility bills are going to go up for everyone: rich, poor, young, old, individuals, and businesses will all see electricity rates rise. But in the Obama version of trickle-down economics, the poor, who by their very definition lack discretionary income, will get hurt the worst.

Businesses can pass along their costs to customers and the middle-class can tighten their belts.

The poor?

They have no belts.

So naturally, the next step in Obama’s pettifogging economic plan is for the president to point out to the poor that they have no belts.

“You have no belts to tighten,” Obama will say. “That’s because the rich took your belts. Under my plan you get to keep your belt so we can tighten it even further. We’ll just get the rich to pay.”

But at least Obama will get the legacy that thus far has eluded him.

He thought perhaps the stimulus plan would redound to his benefit.


He thought the automotive bailout would be a great monument.


He thought all those green jobs he created would be his legacy.


He thought the million electric cars he would put on the road by the time he was done being president would somehow validate him finally-- after all those years of being marginalized as a just another rich author of a book about himself.

No vas.

He thought Obamacare would…ok, clearly he wasn’t thinking in the case of Obamacare. After 100% totally rejecting the name Obamacare, he briefly toyed with the idea of letting it be called Obamacare, until the rollout… wheeeeen... once again it stopped being Obamacare.

But this time on coal he thinks he has it, Professor Higgins.

Were I a kind, considerate, compassionate man I might feel sorry for all those Democrat heads that are going to roll over Obama’s newest war on coal.

“Energy advocates have staunchly opposed Obama’s proposed emissions limits on new and existing power plants,” reports the Associated Press, “and accuse him of dallying on approval for the Keystone XL pipeline. The issue promises to play a prominent role in the 2014 midterm elections, as Democrats from energy-dependent states find themselves squeezed between economic and environmental concerns.”

But, alas, Poor Yorick, I am not a kind, considerate, compassionate man.

Because we warned them: We warned them before they propped him up with those Styrofoam Grecian columns; we warned them before he said, “We are the ones we have been waiting for”; we warned them before anyone knew what a selfie was, that he was the epitome of a selfie politician.

As Americans struggle with a day to day survival, Obama struggles with his “legacy.” Maybe it's just me, but I think a touchdown dance should come after the score.

Because whatever legacy he’ll leave behind was determined a long time ago.

It was determined by the things he did, the things he didn’t do, but mostly it was determined by the things he wouldn’t do, as president, in order to get the job done.

So he sits in the Oval Office brooding about his legacy.

And it’s a measure of his failure as both a president and a man that he is mostly concerned with rewriting history, a history that hasn’t happened yet.

He knows he's a failure already, at least in the eyes of history.