Prtizker Nomination Shores Up Under-Represented Rich, Heiress, Crony Class for Democrats

John Ransom
Posted: May 03, 2013 12:01 AM

The long-expected announcement by Obama nominating Chicago heiress Penny Pritzker to the post of commerce secretary has helped struggling Democrats shore up support amongst a neglected class of voters: Cronies.

Under Democrats, cronies unfortunately have become victims of their good looks, immense fortunes and unlimited influence at the star-studded Obama White House.

But fortunately that victim status has gone a long way toward helping the liberal base identify with these victimized insiders who can’t help that they are rich and beautiful.

They were born that way for gosh sakes. They didn’t choose it.

Next month I expect the National Institutes of Health will announce that a generous endowment from George Soros, George Kaiser and Warren Buffet has helped identify a “rich and famous” gene; a gene that goes a long way toward establishing that cronies aren’t made, they are born. 

Oh, and did I mention that the cash cronies give to progressive causes help liberals reconcile themselves to the fat cats too?

If I didn’t, I meant to.     

Some people have actually gone so far as to suggest that there might be something improper about Obama approving literally billions in dollars in taxpayer loans, subsidies and outright graft to wealthy Obama campaign donors, like Prtizker.

So it’s about time that Obama does something really extravagant for this under-appreciated class of people.

After all: He owes them.

“It could just be a diabolical, cruel rumor meant to hurt Chicago residents who are proud of the first couple's $1.8 million Hyde Park Georgian Revival mansion and history in the community,” reported the liberal blog PolicyMic just seven months ago. “Several publications have hinted or stated outright that top Obama fundraiser Penny Pritzker has been orchestrating the purchase of an opulent $35 million Honolulu estate for the first couple.”

Now who wouldn’t want someone with those types of “orchestration” skills working as commerce secretary?

See, you and I? We’re suckers.

We go out and work for a living, then hire realtors, fill out long complicated mortgage applications, show income, drop our pants and do all those other humiliating things to buy our average $173,000 home.

Obama became president because he knows how to get someone like Pritzker to “orchestrate” the purchase of “an opulent $35 million Honolulu estate” on a job with income of only $400,000 per year. 

That’s one sub, subprime loan.

And that’s how Obama bought his $1.8 million home in Chicago’s Hyde Park with the help of convicted “orchestrator” Antoin “Tony” Rezko.

Chicago’s full of orchestrators. And Obama owes them after all.

Pritzker knows something about the sub, subprime mortgage market too.

“Ms. Pritzker, who declined to be interviewed,” reports Crain’s Chicago Business,  “has confronted other challenges, including the 2001 collapse of Superior Bank FSB, which the Pritzker family co-owned, resulting in a $460-million payment to federal regulators, and a rift over family assets that settled out of court in 2005. She oversees the Pritzker family’s non-hotel real estate interests and chairs its TransUnion LLC credit bureau.”

That’s right: The owner of the company, TransUnion, a company that compiles and reports credit scores for all the rest of us, owned a bank that collapsed in 2001, well before the subprime market implosion.

The bank imploded because the directors, including Pritzker, didn’t properly assess the risks in its loan portfolio or oversee operations according to the Chicago Tribune.

“Regulators, who say they requested and never received a formal revised plan, [from the Pritzker family to save the bank] closed the institution late,” reported the Tribune, “saying it was critically undercapitalized, suffering from loan losses, accounting problems and poor oversight by its board.”

It’s clear that these regulators, who probably were all Republicans, didn’t know the first thing about either cronies or orchestration.

Because what America needs right now, is not good management, or oversight. Or the solution to accounting problems.

What the country needs are a few cronies to gather in the back room, to wink and nod and do a little back scratching and all the problems of commerce in this country will disappear- kind of like the way they solved healthcare reform with Obamacare.

That’s working out well, huh?  

Who better to help commerce in this way than the richest women in Chicago; the woman probably more responsible for Obama’s elevation to presidency than anyone else?

After all: We owe her.

And the least we can do is provide her with a televised Senate hearing so the Senate can thank her in person.