John Ransom

Pictured: Pseudo-scientific, trash journalistic, moralizing, hypocrisizing and hyperventilating rain of ink

So, the biggest storm we’ll face won’t be Nemo, in other words; it will be the blizzard of pseudo-scientific, trash journalistic, moralizing, hypocrisizing and hyperventilating rain of ink that will tie the storm to the effects of global warming.

Kind of like the pseudo-scientific, trash journalistic, moralizing, hypocrisizing and hyperventilating rain of ink listed above- with one noted exception.

Al Gore can’t fart sideways today without the gas being caused by global warming.

By definition, global warming can now be defined by anything that disturbs the comfort and security of anyone who lives on the Eastern seaboard.

Or anything that can get the mug of anyone who lives on the Western seaboard into the news as anything other than a money-grubbing whore to stardom.

Before the last flake has fallen, as New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg once again mismanages civil discomfort into civil emergency, and Governor Chris Christie demands more federal mullah for Jersey while walking hand-in-hand with Obama, an army of bloggers, grant-seeking scientists, self-appointed experts and climate hobbyists will tell us NEMO=GLOBAL WARMING.

Making cameos in this modern-day, passion play will be the usual suspects: the Greenland ice shelf, artic sea-ice, the gulf stream, polar bears drinking Coca Cola, penguins marching one minute and dancing the next, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria. 

It will have all the hallmarks of a Disney classic, animated by Pixar, including the shooting of Bambi’s mom with an assault rifle by a crazed Tea Party activist. The shooter will later be correctly identified as either: 1) mentally-ill with no connection to the Tea Party- and that correction will be buried on the last page of the New York Times; or 2) as a leftist who mistook Bambi’s mom as a right-wing hate group because she was wearing deer fur.                       

In a world in which it takes 9-12 years for scientists to develop small molecule drugs for commercial use, it’s a relief to know that it only takes 9-12 minutes to tie the LARGEST STORM IN HISTORY into something as complex as our global climate.

Or two days to read, analyze and pass the most complex healthcare bill ever.

Or to ruin the 250 year Republic in just 9-12 years in slavish devotion to bad science, bad economics and a broken and brokered political system.

But never mind that: Hurrah! for Fashion Week, Nemo and Mayor Big Gulp.

And bring on the furs.

John Ransom

John Ransom’s writings on politics and finance have appeared in the Los Angeles Business Journal, the Colorado Statesman, Pajamas Media and Registered Rep Magazine amongst others. Until 9/11, Ransom worked primarily in finance as an investment executive for NYSE member firm Raymond James and Associates, JW Charles and as a new business development executive at Mutual Service Corporation. He lives in San Diego. You can follow him on twitter @bamransom.

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