I don’t believe in respecting politicians because they don’t respect us. They either treat us like fatted calves to be slaughtered with class warfare taxation or as wards of the state that should be permanently trapped in lives of dependency.
So you can understand why I cheer when the evening talk show hosts mock these reprehensible slugs. Here are my favorite one-liners from the past couple of weeks.
- President Obama flew to a rally in Las Vegas last night. However, he did not visit any of the casinos. You know why? When you’re $16 trillion in debt, they don’t let you in.
- Experts say the entire 2012 election could come down to just eight states. The states are: confusion, dismay, depression, apathy, shock, disbelief, despair, and anxiety. Those are the eight states.
- Did you all watch the debate last night? I have to admit, I was one of those undecideds. I couldn’t decide whether to watch the baseball game or the football game.
- Last night President Obama finally found a Republican who agreed with him — Mitt Romney.
- One of President Obama’s winning points last night was about how sanctions against Iran are crippling their economy. And believe me, if anyone knows how to cripple an economy, it’s President Obama.
- So far for Halloween, sales of Obama masks are 30 percent higher than the sales of Mitt Romney masks. That makes sense. I mean, what’s scarier than four more years of this economy?
- Tonight was the third and final presidential debate. The good news? Tonight was the third and final presidential debate.
- Astronomers have discovered a planet that is twice the size of earth and made of diamonds. President Obama says the planet may be inhabited by aliens not paying their fair share.
- Can you believe it’s only another month until we start arguing about whether the election was stolen or not?