Can you recall when "home" stopped referring to where your parents live and started applying to where you live? If you're like a lot of people, it didn't happen overnight. The idea of home was tied, at least in part, to your sense of independence - both financial and emotional. It's a gradual process. And no matter how old you are, it's always a comfort to know that "home" isn't too far away if you need it.
This has never been truer for young people today who are flocking back to the nest in greater numbers. In fact, by some accounts, more than half of 20-somethings live with their parents or guardians at some point; it has practically become a part of the passage into adulthood. And it makes sense.
The economy is on shaky ground and the price of basic necessities like food and gas are on the rise. In many metropolitan areas, the cost of rent is also increasing. For recent grads and other young adults, moving home for a while can be a ray of sunshine in a gloomy economy and a great step toward financial independence. For parents, it can be a great way to cement your relationship with your young adult, while providing them some real-world money skills.
While moving home for a period has its pluses, it also has some elements you should watch out for. A friend recently explained an embarrassing situation when her 22-year-old daughter moved home for a few months after college. The two were out shopping together and my friend helped her daughter pick out a nice dress. They were having a lovely time, but when they arrived at the cash register, each of them waited expectantly for the other to open her purse and pay - awkwardly enough, they had never discussed how money fit into their new arrangement. Her story highlighted the importance of talking things through before they become a problem.
Open and clear communication is the best way to avoid unnecessary difficulties in any relationship. My financial advice to many couples is to decide what's "yours, mine and ours" because it sets up boundaries and expectations that can prevent misunderstandings down the road. Likewise, my advice to parents of homeward-bound 20-somethings is to talk and establish guidelines that will help them on the road to independence.
Certainly every family is different and there are no hard-and-fast rules, but here are some questions every family should address:
- Who pays for what?
Do you think your child should be paying rent or contributing to the household finances in some other way? Besides rent, there is also food, cell phone bills, car payments and insurance, health insurance and clothes. You may even ask them to set up a budget so it's clear that they're covering the necessary expenses.