Bob Goldman

Posted December 28, 2015

If I were smarter, and more highly motivated, and just a little bit British, I'm sure I would regularly read The Economist. It would also help if they kept a copy in the waiting room of my local tattoo parlor, but you get my point.

Posted December 18, 2015

Do you have a crazy boss? Do the masters and mistresses of your universe give you assignments that make no sense? When they doubt your competence, do you doubt their sanity? Can you imagine your supervisors sitting at their desks, drooling and babbling incoherently? And would that be a big improvement from what occurs every day in team meetings?

Posted December 10, 2015

Once upon a time, employers tried to hire people who were already very, very smart. That wasn't easy to do, as a quick glance at your company's management team will prove.

Posted December 03, 2015

OK, you got the job. Good on you. Enjoy the congratulations from your friends and family. Revel in the jealousy seeping from every pore of your poor comrades, since they didn't get a spanking new job and you did.

Posted November 05, 2015

I'm not very good at my job. My judgment is horrible, and I make lots of mistakes. Most of the time, I really don't know what I'm doing.

Posted October 30, 2015

I know you're dying to ask, so I'll tell you. This morning I woke up at 5 a.m., did a one-hour Pilates workout, drank a Kombucha shake, read 50 pages of "The Brothers Karamazov" in the original Russian, wrote 50 pages in my personal journal, also in the original Russian, meditated, chanted, did yoga, baked 200 gluten-free scones, milked the cow, the goat and the chicken, dressed head-to-toe in Spandex, also gluten-free, paddleboarded to work, and was in the office, fresh and ready, to go an hour before starting time.

Posted October 02, 2015

It may not be every child's dream, but it was yours.

Posted August 31, 2015

Be honest now: Has anyone at your workplace ever told management that you are the most obnoxious, most difficult, most boring employee in the entire company?

Posted August 20, 2015

I mean it! Thank you for taking time from your busy day to read this column. Even though we both know that your day is completely unbusy, and that you have absolutely nothing better to do, and that you only started reading because you thought you were going to get some inside dirt on the big Bennifer break up, which you definitely would, except I swore to Jen I would not talk about it, I still thank you.

Posted July 31, 2015

Do you know what it's like to be a high-potential employee?

Posted July 23, 2015

What's Not to Like? You know what I like about you?

Posted July 09, 2015

OK, where were you? I was ready to start this column 20 minutes ago, but because you showed up late, I've had to spend those 20 minutes twiddling my thumbs.

Posted June 25, 2015

Instead of feeling stressed every morning when you arrive at your job and are suddenly struck with the realization that your employer expects you to actually do some work, look at the situation as a challenge.

Posted June 11, 2015

You know it's true. If you are ever going to get out of your miserable, dead-end, deadhead job, you're going to need gumption, imagination, hard work, and a resume.

Posted June 04, 2015

Posted May 27, 2015

Posted May 21, 2015

Posted May 14, 2015

Posted May 07, 2015

Posted April 23, 2015

Far be it for me to argue with Neutron Jack.

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