As a business humor writer, Bob Goldman believes that his readers should skyrocket ahead in their careers and make tons of money. What sets Bob apart is his belief that his readers should have these advantages without going to trouble of actually having to do any work. Toward this end, he provides the practical tips and attitude adjustments that guarantee laughter, if not financial success.
Born in White Plains, N.Y., Bob graduated from Colorado College. Using the writing skills he honed while not doing any schoolwork, he crafted an essay that gained him admission to the prestigious University of Chicago School of Business. Intent on proving his success-without-effort philosophy, Bob ended his first semester with four F's and one D, prompting his adviser to comment, "You obviously spent too much time on one subject." Sensing that his gifts might be better applied to the practical world of business, Bob left the ivory tower to become a successful advertising copywriter at huge multinational firms in whose bureaucratic superstructure he always found a place to hang his hat--and his hammock.
In between writing ads for detergent and computers, he found time to write articles for The New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, GQ and Rolling Stone. His column, Work Daze, is a finger in the eye for business blowhards and boardroom braggarts.
The father of three children, Bob lives near San Francisco in a newly remodeled house for which he will be paying for many happy decades to come.
I want you to share my outrage over a group of people who are not satisfied with getting a paycheck; they also expect to get free beer, free massages, free housecleaning services, free laundry, free food, and -- oh, yes -- free access to on-site "napping stations."
I am getting tired of having colleagues getting out the paddles and trying to start my heart simply because I've been slumped over my keyboard for a couple of hours.
Let's be honest here, Haden is not describing you. When you walk into a room, it not only doesn't light up. It feels like the entire North American power grid has gone down.
If you think it's difficult to work in an office, imagine how hard it is to work at home.
It really breaks your heart, doesn't it? It just makes me sad to think that I'm living in a world where not everyone is enjoying the non-stop joy that comes from spending days, weeks, years and decades trapped in a soul-killing office full of annoying co-workers and abusive supervisors.
It used to be that you criticized people at work for being "holier than thou." Now, the most stinging criticism you can make about a co-worker is that they're "happier than thou."
I was convinced there was only one step to happiness -- turn off the computer, turn on the TV and start binge-watching "Duck Dynasty." Again.
I doubt we could have reality television if Honey Boo Boo decided to spend a month wine tasting in the Loire Valley
At its best, a job interview is like free therapy, where you can receive valuable feedback on your career and your life from a person who is better than you because they have a job and you don't.
Regrettably, the power of this ritual was vitiated when an employee with a heart condition "had to be given advance warning and left out of the ritual."
Do you hate your job? Are you filled with revulsion when you think about your work? If the answer to these questions is, "yes, yes, a thousand times, yes," then let me congratulate you. You're more connected to your job than 70 percent of Americans.
Management doesn't justify this corporate snoopathon by admitting it wants this information on their employees' lives, just to make sure the company is doing all it can to make those lives miserable.
Even if the position is looking more and more like your nightmare job, you may still want to point out why you are the perfect fit. Simply explain that "no one else is desperate enough to take a job this terrible, and if you don't hire me, I'm going to hold my breath until my face turns red."
Right now, foolish unhappy people like you still cling to the belief that we'd be happy "if we were only more successful -- make more money, get a promotion, a better car, a big house.
I don't know why they didn't ask you. When Inc.com wanted to know the eight things really successful people do, they should have come to you. Instead, the wackadoos at Inc.com went to Kevin Daum.
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