Bob Goldman

Using "The Company's Own Words" is Technique No. 3. Olivia Ford of Adeptio, suggests that "these key words might include team, leadership, simplistic, culture or growth." I say, to make a really positive impression, put all the key words together in a single power sentence that is sure to impress, like "The simplistic thinking of this company's leadership team has created a culture that is sure to crush any chance of growth."

Yep! Consider this interview nailed.

"Instead of blurting out, 'I don't know,'" Ms. Conlan suggests in Tip No. 4, say "that's a good question," which "can give you a few moments to come up with an answer, and, in the meantime, strokes the interviewer's ego a little bit."

If you really want to stroke the interviewer's ego and get yourself a few moments to come up with an answer, I suggest you plead the Fifth. "I invoke my right not to incriminate myself" is the perfect answer to sneaky, probing questions like "Did you really graduate from Harvard?" or "Do you want milk in your coffee?" Trust me, you'll have plenty of time to think of the answer after security has escorted you out of the building.

The final interview tip is to be prepared to explain your motivations in applying for the job. If your motivations are as mysterious to you as they are to the interviewer, Ms. Conlan suggests you talk about how this position fits into your future plans, how it fits your values, and what you can bring to it. Since the answer to these questions are "It doesn't," "I don't have any," and "nothing at all," you may need to be more direct in demonstrating your motivations for applying.

Don't say nothing. Simply slip out of the chair, fall to the floor, curl up into a fetal position, and start weeping inconsolably. Just make certain your tears don't smudge your resume.

Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company, but he finally wised up and opened Bob Goldman Financial Planning in Sausalito, California. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@bgplanning.com. To find out more about Bob Goldman, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate web page at www.creators.com.

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Bob Goldman

Bob Goldman is a business humor writer.

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