I'm happy to tell you, I may have the answer. The reason you're not happy is because you haven't been following the latest scientific studies on how to achieve a state of ecstatic bliss 24/7. Fortunately for you, Jeremy Dean, a psychologist and the author of PsyBlog, has been keeping his nose buried deep into scientific journals and has recently published "10 Easy Activities Science Has Proven Will Make You Happier Today."
Now, I know you have your doubts about science. And I agree -- some of the so-called scientific facts they come up with today are obviously ridiculous. Like this nonsense about the earth being round, for example. Or that the universe is made up of teeny-weeny little bits of matter called atoms. (I've never seen one. Have you?) But let's be positive here. According to the law of averages -- if you believe that piece of twaddle -- scientists have to be right about something sometime, so let's see Mr. Dean says scientists say will make us happy.
"Mentally subtract something good from your life," is suggestion No. 1. "Thinking about what might not have been can be tremendously powerful if used in the right way."
I agree. Close your eyes. Imagine that you had never gotten your job and never had a boss to explain to you in detail all your shortcomings. Then mentally subtract your endless commute, your annoying co-workers, your puny paycheck. After all these subtractions, you'll be totally happy, at least, until your open your eyes and find you're still employed, still have the same boss, the same commute, the same co-workers and the same paycheck.
Then you'll be back to being miserable, but at least you can remember that wonderful moment when you were unemployed, starving and totally happy.
"Spend money on someone else" is another scientific happiness-maker. If you want to test out this so-called fact, without disrupting your reputation as a tightwad, feel free to send me a money order, made out to cash. I won't tell anyone about the money, including the IRS, and even though you'll definitely regret it, at least one of us will be happy -- me.
In Other News: The Theological Experts at Salon Magazine Claim Jesus was a Communist | Michael Schaus
Today, at 11:20 AM PT: Get the Market Movements in Advance; Williams Edge Webinar for October 1st, 2014 | John Ransom
In Other News: WH Daily Intel Briefings Are Optional? Obama Attends Fewer than Half | Michael Schaus
In Other News: Ukrainians Demolish Statue of Lenin – Putin Offers Statue of Himself as Replacement | Michael Schaus
Today, at 11:20 AM PT: Get the Market Movements in Advance; Williams Edge Webinar for September 29th, 2014 | John Ransom
In Other News: Hey White People! All GOP Policies Apparently Designed to Kill Black People | Michael Schaus