I'm really angry. The press release announcing Janet Pfeiffer's new book, "The Secret Side of Anger," arrived in my inbox last May, but it was only today that I noticed it. I could blame Apple, who made my computer, or Google, who runs my browser, or the local Burger Barn, which has been running special deals on quadruple bacon burgers -- they have totally occupied my attention and my stomach, keeping me somewhat logy.
Whoever is to blame, I plan to rectify their error right now by giving this important new book the publicity it deserves. Or I certainly will do so just as soon as I finish this burger.
"Most of us believe that other people or situations have the ability to make us angry. This is a big misconception," says Pfeiffer right at the jump. "No individual or event has the power to make you mad."
From this quote, I think we can draw two inarguable conclusions. Number one, Pfeiffer is one of those people who sees the best in people. And number two, Pfeiffer has never met your boss.
Personally, I think even Mother Teresa would lose her patience, and probably her sainthood, if she had to put up with the annoying individual who is your manager. But as understandable as your angry reaction might be, it does make sense to master the techniques that will allow you to eradicate your irritation.
Pfeiffer's first tip for reducing anger is to "put everything in perspective." This makes sense, but may not be easy to do. As Pfeiffer suggests, "ask yourself if the situation is worth getting upset about. If not, let it go. If it is important, identify what needs to change and create a plan to accomplish that. Switch your focus from the problem (negative) to the solution (positive.)"
Let's look at an example to see how perspective could help you. Your boss demands that you work over the weekend to finish a project whose only utility is that it will make her look good. Since you had planned to spend the weekend on important, culturally-elevating activities, such as lying on the couch, guzzling beer and watching football, you are, quite naturally, angry. But instead of tearing yourself up with rage (negative,) you develop a solution: You kidnap your boss's miniature poodle, leaving her so distraught that she forgets about the project while you -- and the poodle -- spend the weekend curled up on the couch. Positive!
Pfeiffer uses the acronym, SWaT, to describe the next tip. "The moment you feel anger well up inside of you," she cautions, "remember SWaT: Stop, Walk and Talk." What you are supposed to stop is whatever you are doing, and since you are probably doing nothing, I suppose you could START actually doing some work. The acronym will still make sense, and frankly, the novelty of actually getting something done could take your mind off your rage.
The purpose of the "walk" is to create distance between you and the problem, allowing you to "calm down and cool off." I like this idea. I suggest that you walk right out of the office and right into the Kit Kat Klub, where the other losers will be happy to commiserate with you over your miserable situation, assuming that you buy the drinks. (In fact, you may want to slightly alter SWaT to SWaP: Stop, Walk and get Pickled.)
If you do decide to "talk," but you can't find a neutral party who can help you in seeking "understanding and guidance," Pfeiffer suggests that you talk to yourself. "Repeat calming statements, such as 'I am fine. I am calm. I can handle this in an intelligent and rational manner.'" This could work, if you can believe anyone as unreliable as you. So, all I will add is to be sure that when you do start talking to yourself, you do it in a loud voice and in public. You'd be amazed at how nicely people treat you when they see you wandering the halls and talking to yourself.
Pfeiffer's final tip is to create a "Peace Plan." This is a daily regimen of activities designed to "naturally reduce your levels of anger." Some of her faves are "aerobic exercise, prayer, meditation, music, nature and my dogs." I don't see you participating in these rather spiritual activities, though the "dog" part could work nicely. How could you be angry when you're curled on the couch with a purloined poodle?