If this column isn't as good as usual, don't blame me. I had a rotten childhood; my parents would not buy me any GI Joe action figures, so my Barbies had to sit home on prom night. Plus, I think I may have the flu -- both the swine flu and the regular flu. I am also not that bright, and I have a lot on my mind -- important stuff, like who is going to win "Top Chef" and "America's Next Top Model," and whether any of the participants of Dr. Drew's new "Sex Rehab" show have dates for New Year's Eve.
With all these serious problems clogging up my teeny, tiny mind, it's clear that I cannot be responsible for the teeny, tiny words that clog up this column. I hope you understand because Linda Galindo does not.
Galindo is the author of "The 85 Percent Solution," a late entry in 2009's publishing derby of books designed to provide self-help for your self-loathing. The subtitle of the tome, "How Personal Accountability Guarantees Success," is your first clue to the philosophy being espoused and exposed. And if the message is not sufficiently clear, the cluttered cover also features sub-subtitles, including "No Nonsense. No Excuses" and "The Buck Stops Here." (Actually 22 and 95/100th of a buck stop here, unless you live in Canada in which case you have to shell out an additional Lincoln to have the author berate you for your pathetic proclivity to hide behind endless excuses.)
"Acknowledge, believe and act on the fact that you, and you alone, are 100 percent responsible for your own successes, opportunities and happiness," the author explains. "Like you, and you alone, are 100 percent responsible for your own failures, problems and bad mood. You and your choices."
Now you do have to acknowledge that you have made some bad career choices. Deciding to go to the company Halloween party in a bikini instead of a burka was definitely a bad choice. And let's face it, those slim and sleek suits that look so good on Don Draper in "Mad Men" don't look half as stylish with someone whose stomach overflows his belt like a muffin top.
If you refuse to take 100 percent responsibility for your life, author Galindo does offer a compromise. "If 100 percent is too big a leap," she writes, "start at 85 percent."
Galindo, a former "Queen of Victims," had to learn how to "own it," and she wants you to "own all of it, even if you're working for or with someone else." This won't be easy for you, since I know you prefer to "lease it." That way, when work assignments go sour, you can trade in your failures and let someone else take the blame.