If you've ever wondered why your career could be declared a federal disaster area, I have the answer. It isn't because you are ineffectual, inefficient and insufferable. The real reason is not who you are, but what you wear.
Or don't wear. Face it, friend -- if you are looking to thrive, or just to survive in this miserable economy, it takes more than working hard in your cubical. You also have to make hard choices in your closet.
But don't take my word for it. Despite my reputation as the best dressed man on the unemployment line, I am channeling the opinions of Dick Lerner, a certified wardrobe consultant, a certified custom clothier and now the author of "Dress Like The Big Fish: How to Achieve the Image You Want and the Success You Deserve."
I don't usually bow to any other fashion expert, but Lerner is a graduate of the "prestigious Haggar Institute," and that certainly trumps my degree from Dockers University. Besides, he has made a business out of telling business people what to wear, while the only person who follows my fashion tips is my poodle.
Lerner's big fish philosophy starts at the bottom of the tank with extensive advice on how to dress for a job interview. "Give yourself plenty of time to plan out your interview wardrobe," he counsels. "In fact, before you send out your resume, have your interview wardrobe ready to go." I would take this advice one step further. Once you have assembled your interview outfit, pack it up in a box and FedEx it to the meeting. Your clothes are likely to make a better impression than you. At least, they're buttoned up.
One of the many tips scattered throughout the book is to "dress for one or two levels above the job you are seeking." Good, conservative advice, but in this job market, I don't think you want to play it safe. Yes, you could dress like a vice president, or a senior vice president, or an executive vice president, but I say go whole hog. Dress like the president -- specifically, George Washington. A three- corner hat will exude confidence as well as cover up that bald spot. This may represent a problem for female readers mired in traditional gender roles, but don't despair. Male, female or anyplace in-between, you can convince any hiring manager that you're as honest as the day is long simply by wearing an Abraham Lincoln beard.