Prejudice is never pretty, but what could be uglier than the widely held discrimination against laziness?
Really, I don't know how this outrageous and unfair injustice has become acceptable! On the other hand, maybe the widespread bigotry against the slothful is understandable. After all, we're not going to organize a march or protest loudly in front of our workplaces. We're just too lazy.
Trust Eilene Zimmerman, a New York Times reporter, to be on top of this scandalous example of workplace intolerance. In a recent "Career Couch" column, Zimmerman assembles a highly energetic group of workplace consultants and psychologists to examine the matter, but instead of trying to find techniques to cure the anti-lazy faction of their hurtful ways, the reporter serves up ideas on how the "hard workers" in a company can inform -- and even inform on -- those colleagues who they consider to be productivity-challenged.
This is so unfair, since, as you know, being lazy takes a whole lot of work. It's true! You have to work really hard to not do any work in this rotten economy. Kudos to you, indolent reader, for surviving in a dog-eat-dog work environment while not contributing anything to your company, except holding down an Aeron chair.
Zimmerman starts her column with this question: "You work with someone you think is lazy and resent him for it. He doesn't seem to carry his load, wastes time socializing and misses deadlines. Is it possible that your perception of him is wrong?"
"Yes," says Zimmerman, and though she is 100 percent incorrect, she is backed up in this opinion by Ben Dattner, a New York consultant. "How much time you perceive someone is working is not necessarily a valid reflection of the effort they are expending or the results they are achieving," explains Dattner.
"They may have terrific time-management skills, stay late or work weekends."
It's thinking like this that keeps us lazy folks in our jobs. Still, you have to admit it is difficult to imagine how anyone could observe you lollygagging through the day, spending endless billable hours chitchatting, and still come away with the impression that you had terrific time-management skills, or, for that matter, any skills at all.
Another consultant, Paul R. Damiano, chimes in to answer the interesting question of how someone could face this icky economy with anything less than the full-tilt work time boogie. "People are feeling uncertain and insecure, so they spend more time talking about problems than getting work done," suggests Damiano. "They may also want to talk about subjects having nothing to do with work because it takes their mind off of job-related securities."
How wonderful! We're not goofing off because we're goof-offs. We're just so deeply sensitive that the only way we can survive in a harsh economic environment is to spend all day discussing whether Kate and John will get back together or Heidi and Spencer will break up.
Zimmerman returns to Damiano when trying to determine the correct language to use when calling a co-worker on their laziness. "Rather than saying 'You're lazy,'" Damiano says, "give specific examples of how this person's behavior affected business performance."
Good advice, I suppose, but may I point out that none of the experts assembled has any insights on how lazy people can confront the hyperactive workaholics who spend eight hours a day disturbing our sleep with the clickety-clack of their computer keyboards and the chatter of their sales calls. The way I handle it is to tell annoying co-workers that their ceaseless working is disturbing my REM sleep, and that if they don't stop that annoying productivity, I'm going to take out my ear plugs, roll up off my nap mat and actually start working myself, which will certainly sink the company and then everyone will be unemployed.
It is the annoying arrogance of the workers who actually work that provides the end to Zimmerman's column and mine. Responding to the question, "What if your boss is the one wasting time," the experts suggest reshaping the behavior of a Chatty Cathy manager by "gently steering conversation back to work."
Apparently, having an unfocused, lazy, worthless boss is considered a negative in the wacky world of the workaholic. For you and I, it's a sign that the company values inactivity and sloth. And maybe, just maybe, if we get good enough about being bad enough, we could not work ourselves to the top!
