That's good, right? I'll bet you're already feeling the first symptoms of the flu -- the desire to respond to your alarm clock by rolling over and going back to sleep. Be vigilant in monitoring your symptoms. That H1N1 could hit any moment -- say, the moment when your big report is due, or the moment you're scheduled to attend that mandatory weekend seminar the HR department has scheduled for training on the proper way to sneeze.
And it gets even better! Even if you recover from your life-threatening, non-case of the flu, Washington has announced policies that will turn your workplace into a health spa. Believe me, no one is going to impeach Locke for suggesting that companies fight intramural transmission by taking steps to "reduce face-to-face meetings."
Think of it! No more staff meetings or progress meetings. Not even crucial meetings to schedule other meetings will be allowed. It would be unpatriotic.
Another government gift to the shiftless comes from Sebelius who I hereby nominate as Cabinet Member of the Month for pointing out that one of the "best mitigation strategies" is "keeping your hands clean, which is frequent hand washing."
Bingo! Now, if you want to sneak out of your cubical to discuss health care issues at the town hall meeting held every afternoon at the Kit Kat Klub, there's no need to stress and strain to come up with an excuse. Of course, no one can track you down -- you're in the bathroom, washing your hands.
Whether the government's flu-fighting policies will work to cut down outbreaks of what could be a nasty disease for those unfortunates who actually catch it, it's nothing but lollipops and rainbows for those of us who plan to answer our country's call by calling in sick. So, go ahead and give in to your inner hypochondriac. The Puritans might not approve, but I, and other citizens across this great nation, say three cheers for patriots like you, and gesundheit!
