Psychologists do not know for certain whether crippling self-doubt occurs more in males or females. They are convinced, however, that women do talk more about it. "The issue with men is, we don't really know what they're thinking," reports internist Marianne J. Legato.
Let me help Legato with this thorny problem. Men are thinking about sports, sex, beer, more beer, and more sports, and more sex, and the new receptionist who may have smiled at them three weeks ago, but they're not exactly sure. This is why men spend less time mentally berating themselves. They're just too busy.
For everyone who wants to say, "see you later, self-flagellator," reporter Beck does list ways you can heal yourself. Assuming that you really want to. Yet another psychologist, Katherine Muller, "often sees professionals -- doctors, lawyers -- who believe that if they didn't flog themselves, they wouldn't be as successful." If you stop beating yourself up, you may become a better-adjusted individual who is out of a job.
One technique is to monitor your thoughts. Keep a journal in which you write down your self-critical judgments -- "I'm a loser. I'm stupid. I'm ugly." This way, you can analyze the situations in which feelings of self-doubt occur. You will also have a handy list of internal insults to use on those days you're too feeble to think up any new ones.
Another idea is to collect objective data to use as a reality check when dealing with your own highly critical judgments. "Keep a short list of your achievements," Beck suggests, and that should work extremely well with you. Any list of your achievements will be very short, indeed. It could even be a micro list, inscribed on the head of a pin. But don't let me savage you with lacerating comments on your lack of accomplishments and abilities.
Beating yourself up could be the one thing you can actually do well.
