For many terminated employees, taking control of cash management during a period of unemployment is a challenge. For you, it will be a snap. Just empty your pockets. Put the change in an FDIC-insured jelly jar, and take the lint to the recycling center. Pocket lint can fetch as much as 75 cents a pound, more if you comb, dye and bail it for shipment to a bankrupt, Third World country, like California.
4. Look for other income.
A consulting gig or a temporary job could "expand your skills and keep your resume fresh," says Blumenthal. The trick is determining your personal area of expertise. For example, if you are good at avoiding work, making bad decisions, shifting blame onto others, goofing off on company time, and lavishly rewarding yourself, you could get part-time work as the CEO of a major bank.
5. Manage your 401(k).
Remember all the money you've been putting aside every week in that tax-deferred retirement account? You should only access this money as a last resort. The bad news is that if you take it out now, you'll pay all those taxes you previously avoided, plus you could also pay a penalty. The good news is that the stock market is such a disaster area that you probably don't have very much left in your 401(k) account anyway.
Clearly, recovering your equilibrium after a layoff will not be easy. Perhaps the best idea of all is to forget even trying to get a new job, and just start your retirement now. Burn your resume. Flop on the couch. Click on the cable. And relax. In this topsy-turvy world, chances are you won't be able to succeed at retirement, either, and you'll soon be back to work, complaining and miserable again. And won't that be wonderful!
