Dear Planned Parenthood:

Today, I write to you about an important topic: environmentally-correct biodegradable bags. No, I’m not talking about Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. I’m talking about the kind of bags that don’t leave a long-term negative effect on future generations of Americans.

It has come to my attention that numerous abortion clinics in our region are using plastic bags instead of the kind of biodegradable bags one can easily find when surfing on the internet. In fact, I just called the local office of Planned Parenthood in Wilmington, NC. I found that they, too, are using standard plastic bags for all of their waste disposal needs.

In response to this problem, I logged on to my university website to see whether I could find some student activists to help remedy this situation. While I was on the site, I found a group called the “Environmental Concerns Organization” or ECO. Here’s how the group describes itself on our educational website:

Purpose: To increase interest in enviromental activism. This includes promoting solutions to local, state and national enviromental problems on and off campus.
Group Type: Political/ Activist.
Meetings: Mondays at 7:00 p.m.

Of course, the fact that this environmental group does not know how to spell the word “environmental” concerns me. I don’t want to go to work cleaning up the environment with this group until they clean up their spelling. Bad spelling makes for a really bad educational environment.

So, in other words, I’ll be working directly with you if you see fit to implement my modest environmental proposal. Working directly with you may produce swifter results for everyone involved.

Whenever I mow my lawn – in other words, whenever I can’t find any illegal aliens – I use BioBag compostable biodegradable lawn & leaf bags. By the way, BioBag products are certified as compostable and biodegradable by ASTM standards. BioBag is the world’s largest manufacturer of compostable bags and biodegradable bags and has designed a biodegradable lawn and leaf bag that is better for Mother Earth than plastic. They are made from corn and other renewable resources and, therefore, will completely biodegrade in a compost bin in a matter of days. Continued...