Dear Edith: My husband is a Realtor, and a couple of years ago a friend gave us your book with the funniest questions you received from readers. We keep looking for more in the column. Or are people just more sensible these days? -- Via e-mail

Answer: I think you may have to be in the real estate business to understand just how funny some of my mail is. I do read some of it to Realtor Associations around the country; my talk is entitled "Letters I Couldn't Print." But as an April Fool's treat, if you like, here are a few recently received. Each one is the entire message. I answered every one personally, and I haven't changed a word except to take out some names.

Falling Out

Edith, I currently own a home with my parents, and there was a slight falling out and would like to move. How would I go about this? Or who would I talk to on more advice on this?

[He should be asking Ann Landers.]

No Address

I just sent you a question and I'm not sure I included my full address. Bob

[That was the whole message.]

Dealing With Bank

I am looking to purchase a home owned by a bank. I HEAR their money is federally insured up to 25 percent. Does this mean I can offer 25 percent less than asking price?

Moving Out

Ms Lank: I'm selling my house and would like to know how long do I have to move out, or is this up to the buyer?

Who Pays?

What percent of the purchase price does a buyer usually pay?

[All of it.]

And About Fish

Edith, How long does a small fish live in a tank?

USA Problems

Dear Edith, What is/are the current problem(s) of real estate in the USA?

[That one looks like somebody's homework assignment.]

Foreclosure Problem

If you are facing foreclosure with your current home how can you purchase a new home? [With difficulty.]

Getting Paid To Publish

I need my two brothers to cooperate with me to get my California Mortgage on my house. It is located in _____CA. A Salt Lake City, Utah lawyer gave me title and proof of ownership by paper form. This form was through Publisher's Clearinghouse. Please how do I get this paper and Go On To Get my California Mortgage? Contact: ____@yahoo.com I would like to get paid to publish this through your paper. How do I do this?

[Darned if I know.]

Trains Don't Bother

Dear Edith: This house is close to railway tracks that have 30 trains a day on it. Train tracks are 60 to 70 yards away from the house, 2000 square ft ranch --move in ready. What would you offer if the train didn't bother you?

Doesn't Understand

Ms. Lank: I'm in the process of a property settlement and I paid off the mortgage and I was told that the interest doesn't count. I'm not understanding that. What should I do? Continued...