Q. I have a coworker I used to be friends with. For years now we've had a stalemate where she and I look for opportunities to undermine each other. I'm exhausted. How do I end the war?

A. If you want to win your workplace war, let your coworker win the battle.

In a long-term conflict, both parties often forget what started the fight and the conflict becomes about being right. The only way to keep the fight alive is for both people to be dedicated to proving the other person is wrong. If you can tolerate being "wrong," you have an instant exit out of many tense conflicts.

Realize that you cannot have both peace of mind and be right. Most of us love to be right, not to win any particular conflict but because we all walk around limping when it comes to our self-esteem. We believe being "wrong" is synonymous with being bad or inadequate. Most of us would rather walk through fire than feel wrong or inadequate.

The irony here is that every one of us has already felt bad about ourselves and survived. Feeling bad about yourself is only a momentary discomfort and not the soul annihilating experience we fear.

If you pay attention, you'll find everyday you have a choice between avoiding feeling bad for a few minutes by getting into a power struggle or having peace of mind and letting others win self-esteem wars.

If you really are exhausted then hold a personal funeral for your need to be right and ask your coworker if she has a moment to talk. Simply say, "I want to apologize, you have been right and I have been wrong. From here on out, I will support your work here." Continued...