Q. I work for a company that employs many members of a large family. My ability to do my job well constantly runs afoul of the crazy dynamics between family members. How do you remain productive when the emotional issues between people drive the business agenda?

A. You start by realizing that even in companies that aren't related by blood, the emotional issues between people drive the business agenda. The issues are just more obvious and contain more history in a family business.

Many of the companies I consult within have to deal with family issues. Even when companies are not founded by a family, employees often bring in family members and then these issues emerge.

The companies that are having the most trouble when they call me believe that logic will win the day. The rational techniques that have been tried and failed include: lecturing, nagging, explaining and reasoning. The problem is that none of these techniques get at the "heart" of the matter.

If you understand that using logic to change emotions is like using an airplane to explore the ocean, you have a head start.

The only way to deal with emotional issues at work is to gently acknowledge the issue without taking sides. Start listening with your heart instead of your head when you watch family members interact. What would you guess they want from each other? What do you guess they want from you?

If one family member has been the black sheep, for instance, you will be amazed how effective it is simply to tell him that you see he has good intentions. If another family member carries all the burdens, she will be gratified that you can see how much responsibility she tends to take on.

When your coworkers can see that you understand the "heart" of the matter as they see it, they will not drag you into family wars. They will let you pass through their territory with anything you need to get your job done. If family members believe you have taken sides, you will end up the unwitting victim of a war you don't belong in.

The last word(s)

Q. My boss has brought in a woman he's been having an affair with to run our department. I have high ethics and don't want to work for anyone who would cheat with a married man?

A. You have a tough choice. Quit and support your ethics or continue in your job and give the woman a chance.