Q. I know you often talk about an "interpersonal toolkit" in your column. I've clipped out columns and put them in the break room and left columns on coworkers' desks, but no one has changed. How do I get my coworkers to treat me differently?

A. You treat them differently. As inconvenient as it is to teach ourselves new skills, people skills make the difference between misery and enjoyment of our careers.

My clients are often amazed at how much of their power they have unknowingly given away to coworkers. Learning how to communicate what you want, set limits and understand others pays off daily in more of what we want on and off the job.

For example, if your coworker is always late to a meeting, it's not cheating to set a consequence. Something like, "Peter, if you're late to tomorrow's meeting, I'll need to ask someone else to help me present our new project to our boss."

If you can't understand why the guy in the next cubicle is always bragging, ask yourself what is going on when you brag. When you notice that you feel insecure when you brag, you can stop competing with your coworker for the "who is more cool" prize. You might even compliment him and find his bragging settles down.

If you are dying to get a promotion, ask yourself what technique you are using to get your goal. Some people whine. Some people work miracles, suffer and wait hopefully. Some people actually tell their boss they want a promotion. Guess who has the best chance of succeeding?

The best news about learning interpersonal skills is you don't have to be a genius or genetically lucky to develop impressive ones. You only have to stop doing what doesn't work, be willing to feel temporarily uncomfortable, and practice. Continued...