Q. I have a coworker that is constantly bragging about something. Her kids are perfect, her husband walks on water, and her vacations are heaven. Is there any polite way to shut her up?

A. Yes, listen more closely to the message underneath the boasts of your coworker. In the workplace, we often get stuck in only listening to the top layer of a communication and we miss the real meaning.

People who make bragging a full-time hobby are desperate to attain the approval of others. Believe it or not, they feel so inferior that they think they need to be superhuman just to deserve anyone's attention.

We could all consider the kinds of childhoods, histories, and parenting styles that might have resulted in a person with this kind of a self-esteem black hole. We may then see that the behavior of your coworker is her attempt to gain some shred of value.

Understanding what is really going on with your insecure coworker doesn't mean you need to play full-time therapist to her full-time issues. Your best option is to generously offer her what she is looking for the minute she starts bragging.

You can say something like, "You have an amazing life, and must have done something right to have extraordinary kids, a soul mate husband, and vacations to heaven."

Let me give you an analogy about what I'm recommending you try with your coworker. Have you ever had a kid, cat or dog that was desperate to get your attention? You probably learned that if you smothered the kid, cat or dog with love they started to squirm to get away. If you only gave a slight pat, they continued to bug you.

By giving your coworker the message that you see she is special, extraordinary or gifted, she won't need to continue her campaign for your approval. You gave it, she got it, end of story. Continued...