It's tough enough landing a job interview in this nasty economy. If you're lucky enough to nab a spot on a hiring manager's DayTimer, you don't want to ruin your chances by asking the wrong questions, right?

Liz Ryan, who apparently did well enough at her interview for Yahoo! Hotjobs to nab a writing gig, has come up with the Ten Questions Never to Ask in Job Interviews. It's a good topic, but I'm afraid Ryan comes to some rather bogus conclusions, including the assumption that you actually want the job.

Granted, even if you are tired of living on government cheese, there really is no reason to accept a position that will make you miserable, and keep you from watching "The Tyra Banks Show." Fail to ask the questions you're not supposed to ask and you could end up with a fate worse than unemployment -- you could actually get a job!

Take Non-Question No. 1, "What does your company do?" Ryan suggests that in the Internet era, applicants should "show up for a job interview knowing what the employer does, who its competitors are and which of its accomplishments (or challenges) have made the news lately."

But face facts, doing research takes effort. If you really wanted to work, you'd probably still have your last job. Moreover, learning what your new employer does before you start takes all the surprise out of your first day on the job! Imagine the fun and pride when you show up for work to learn that you're an apprentice embalmer and well on the way to a profitable career in small animal taxidermy.

Question No. 2, "Are you going to do a background check?" is a no-no because it can give the potential employer the wrong impression about you. To me, this question should be the first few words out of your mouth, right after "Do you have a bathroom?" "Is this going to take long?" and the classic, "Do you validate?"

For Ryan, Question No. 2 makes you "look like a person with something to hide." Well, you do have something to hide -- specifically, past performance at all your previous positions. Asking about a background check makes the interviewer think your biggest negatives lie in an area outside of your workplace skills. That's why I say, "Ask away." Just be sure to add, "And does your background check include misdemeanors as well as felonies?"

In the same vein, you definitely want to ask No. 8, "Is my (medical condition) covered under your insurance?" and hope the answer is no. Unless you want to spend 12 hours a day working, the last thing you need is for some hotshot Dr. House curing your narcolepsy, your panic attacks and your kleptomania.

Ryan suggests that Question No. 9, "Do you do a drug test?" could be interpreted as "I'd fail a drug test." This is true, but she misses an important point. Drug-testing procedures are costly, and your prospective employer could appreciate the fact that you could save them this expense. That's why I suggest that along with your resume, you bring your bong. I'm not promoting drug use, but encouraging the hiring manager to take a few hits could make the interview go a lot smoother.

Non-Question No. 3, "When will I be eligible for a raise?" is considered risky because it suggests that you are dissatisfied with your starting salary, even before you start. I think it's OK because it suggests you will be an aggressive overachiever. Just be sure to follow it up with a few more questions, like "Now?" and "How about now?" and "Is now too soon?"

Questions No. 4 and No. 5, "Do you have any other jobs available?" and "How soon can I transfer to another position?" doom you to a speedy rejection, writes Ryan, because "almost every employer will want to keep you in your seat for at least one year before approving an internal transfer, so a job-search bait-and-switch probably won't work out the way you hoped."

I disagree. If you actually want the job, playing hard to get by demonstrating your total lack of interest in the position is catnip to hiring managers, especially HR types who are so downtrodden and unhappy that they'll leap at the opportunity to hire you.

Misery loves company, they say, but take it from me -- companies also love misery.